I love the TV series How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM). The comedy is right up to my alley and the storyline I find quite relatable. Most especially, Marshall and Lily, whose relationship is quite uncanny to mine and Mr E’s. We’re on the last few episodes of the final season, and last night’s episode about marriage vows kind of hit home to me.
I am sure that I have mentioned before, marriage wasn’t something that I wanted for myself before Mr E. I hadn’t known any good solid healthy marriage as I grew up. All of my direct uncles had mistresses, one even had two “family” home, each complete with “a wife and kids”. Add to that, watching my mum recover from heartbreaks as each relationship failed. Marriage? Umm, no thanks.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew I had to get married one day. After all, I want to be a mum. For me personally, children had to be done after marriage. So I settled on being a “realist” when it comes to marriages. Ie. They have an expiry date. Then I got to know my in laws.
They are the first people I know who are still married after three kids. Who still took anniversary trips alone. Who still have a “chemistry”. It is amazing for me to witness. They basically proven wrong my lifelong view on marriage. Still wanting to be with each other after (at the time I met them) twenty something years of marriage? What the what? It was unsettling.
Anyway, what has that got to do with HIMYM? Well, that episode on marriage vows gave me an epiphany. Does broken marriage really comes down to unrealistic expectation of inflexible forever promise? Taking loyalty aside obviously. People change, and so for relationships to last, each person has to be flexible? Sure, he isn’t the man you married three, five, ten years ago, but neither are you, probably.
I am not an expert on relationships, or marriages. But I know that ours have changed. We used to leave notes for each other, trying to beat the other one by finding the most inconspicuous location to hide these notes. We used to have weekly date nights. Heck, I even used to pick out his clothes almost every morning (down to his socks and undies). And now? I ain’t got time for that.
“I promise to love you in sickness and in health”? If Mr E is puking his guts out, while having a series bouts of diarrhoea? I will continue to love him from afar. I might even throw him some wet wipes and a new clean pair of undies. But I’m not touching him. I might have when the glow of a newlywed was still on my face. But not now.
So perhaps, this is the time when we have to be flexible. Acknowledging the change, and remoulding ourselves to suit. That perhaps some our marriage vows may have been broken a few times, that maybe they no longer apply, but at the core of it all, if we’re committed to each other, then.. well, you get my inlaws’ marriage.
What do you guys think?
Ps. Sorry for the ramble. I woke up at 5 and couldn’t get back to sleep. Maybe in a few years time, I’ll be less understanding and throw a pillow on his snoring face. I would still be committed to him though ;)